THE SUPER EGGMAN SUPER SHOW!
Episode 1 - SUPER RETURN OF THE EGGMAN EMPIRE!
By Ishntknew
Visit dreggman.com todayterday!
I claim no ownership of Sonic, Eggman, Il Palazzo, Darth Vader, Trigun, angst, Super Smash Bros., those little dried banana chips, or the Great Wall of China.
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*Eggman is sitting on a desk. Yes, on a desk. Not on a chair next to a desk, I mean, like, ON the desk.*

Eggman: "Hello, Eggman Land! I am Eggman! Welcome to SUPER RETURN OF THE EGGMAN EMPIRE! On the EGGMAN TV NETWORK! Sponsored by Eggman."

Audience: "Eggman. Eggman. Eggman. Eggman. Eggman. Whooooo. Go Eggman."

Eggman: "Hello, slaves!"

Audience: "Hello, Eggman."

Eggman: "Did I give you permission to speak?!"

*Audience is silent.*

Eggman: "ANSWER ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" *Fires an Egg Blaster into the crowd.*

Audience: *Some slightly burned.* "Yes sir."

Eggman: "Welcome to my show! Some of you may not be in the know about my empire, the EGGMAN EMPIRE! Well, the empire's become sorta inactive, and I've decided to revive it. As such... Minions! Begin working on stuff!"

Inferno: "Most of the members have deserted."

Eggman: "They have?"

Ishnt: "Yeeeeeees, that's why we started this show. I told you this earlier."

Eggman: "Oh. OK then! This is a telethon. ...Ishnt, you're totally ripping this off The Eggman Empire."

Ishnt: "Huh? Ripping it off? This is to revive it..."

Eggman: "Not my EMPIRE the Eggman Empire! The FANFIC, The Eggman Empire!"

Ishnt: "Fanfic? What? Huh?"

Eggman: *Sigh.* "Okaaaaaay then. What universe is this set in again?"

Ishnt: "Universe? Huh?"

Eggman: "DO I KNOW SOMEONE NAMED SPLOOSHNIC?!"

Ishnt: "Er, yeah..."

Eggman: "OK then! Wait, then why's Inferno here?"

Ishnt: "Uh, I don't really understand what you're asking."

Eggman: "...I guess you have the fourth wall firmly set up for you. Right-o, then. Let's begin this show!"

*Cheesy "SUPER RETURN OF THE EGGMAN EMPIRE" appears on the screen, and fades out after a jingle.*

Eggman: "Yosh! That logo costed 50 billion to make!"

Inferno: "...Why?"

Eggman: "...'cause! Do I have to only spend as much as it takes?"

Inferno: "...............Dot dot dot."

Eggman: "Now, for our first act! We have the lovely Sera, and her bird taming act!"

Sera: "...I'm doing what?"

Ishnt: *Facepalm.* "THIS show's gonna be a booming success."

Audience: *Applauds unenthusiastically.*

Eggman: *Holds up walkie talkie type radio thing.* "Security! Get me a new audience!"

*Audience is replaced.*

Darth Vader *who is now in the audience.*: "Eggman! You are Sonic's father!"

Eggman: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Darth Vader: "Search your feelings! You know it to be true!"

Eggman: "...no, it's really not. Where'd you get this information?"

Darth Vader: "Because... YOU ARE NOT A JEDI, YET!"

Eggman: "SECURITY!"

Security: *Takes Darth Vader away.*

Eggman: "Perfect! Now we can begin!"

Sera: *Looks at a bird in a cage, with a bunch of various stunt type things to perform.* "Ummmmmm... How do you tame a bird?"

Eggman: "I dunno. I usually only work with robots. Not living beings."

*FLASHBACK!*

Eggman: *Staring down.* "Sit! ...I said, SIT! Come oooooon! Sit! ...Then... Fetch!" *Throws a ball.* *Squeaking sound effects as it falls to the ground.* "Shake? Play dead? Come oooooon... Do something... Please? Anything? Roll over? Something like that?"

*Camera pans down.*

Cat: "Mrow?"

*PRESENT!*

Eggman: "One day, Whiskers, I'll teach you a trick... Mark my words... YOU WILL LEARN!"

Ishnt: "Ummmm... I'm scared. What's going on?"

Inferno: "How many times do I have to explain to you that Eggman's insane?"

Sera: "Are we ready to continue, yet?"

Eggman: "Right!"

All else (including the new audience): "YOSH!"

Eggman: "Why am I here again?"

Everyone but Eggman: *Falls.*

Eggman: "I've got an idea! Sera! Come with me!" *Jumps up and off the desk.* "Ishnt, Inferno, keep the audience busy. I'm gonna try a training tape on Sera." *Holds up a tape that says "Old cartoons" on it.* "Come on!" *Walks to the backroom, Sera shrugs and follows.*

Ishnt: *Looks around.* "Uh..." *Tosses flaming torches to Inferno.*

Inferno: "Ack! Hey, I've only got two arms, toss slower!" *Starts juggling them.*

Ishnt: "Ummmm, ummmm..." *Pulls out a guitar and starts playing.* "...We're Eggman Empire and we're really rad! Those robots from Eggman are pretty bad!"

Inferno: "What the crap is THAT supposed to be?!"

Ishnt: "Arrrrgh, I dunno, I saw some commercial before the show, it's the only song I can think of!"

Inferno: "Then don't sing, you idiot!" *Drops a torch, the stage sets on fire.* "Oops."

Ishnt: "AHHHHH! Fire!" *Sprays coffee all over it.*

Eggman: *Runs out.* "Eat at Eggman Land Diner!"

Ishnt: *Putting out the last of the fires.* "What are you doing?"

Eggman: "I'd just like to remind people, I am but a man! However, I have a cool city, and am trying to take over the planet."

Ishnt: ".....I think my brain just broke."

Eggman: "Good enough! I guess what I'm trying to say is... Umm, that Sera's done... with the training tapes... which WEREN'T old cartoons of those bird training things they did on Looney Toons."

Sera: *Walks out.* "Ummmmm... I think I've got it! And the cartoons you were showing me weren't really helping, so I developed my own technique!" *Taps on the glass of the cage in certain places.*

Bird: *Head snaps up and it performs all the stunts.*

Audience: "Ooooooh..."

Eggman: "Wow! How'd you do that?"

Sera: "Beamed the intelligence into its head using a machine in the back room."

Bird: *Flies out of a tube at the end of the obstacles and into the stage.*

Sera: "As you can see, the bird performs flawlessly and- FOOD!" *Pounces and crashes into the cage, then jumps and grabs the bird, falling behind the desk.*

Eggman: "Er, oops. Ladies and gentlemen, Sera!"

Sera: *Stands up, mouth full, and bows. She's swallowed by the time she stands up from her bow.* *Sits down in a chair.*

Ishnt: "It didn't occur to you that it was a bad idea to have a catgirl try to tame a bird?"

Eggman: "Nope! Ishnt, get to the rafters to adjust the lighting. What's the next act?"

Kurakusan: *A purple demon with a black beard/hair and yellow horns and elaborate outfit, Kurakusan, bursts through the ground.* "I am the dread demon KURAKUSAN! I am here to destroy all of you! I have power enough to take all of you out with one hand tied behind my back."

Cookies: *A purple demon, much the same as Kurakusan, only with a bandana, grey hair/beard, sunglasses, and a business suit walks onstage.* "Wahzaaaaaaah!"

Kurakusan: "NOOOOOOOOO, IT'S MY BROTHER, COOKIES! THE ONLY ONE WITH ENOUGH POWER TO DEFEAT ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Ishnt: *Falls from the ceiling.* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *Smashes into the ground.* "Ow."

Phone: *Rings.*

Eggman: "Oh yeah! This is a telethon! I almost forgot!" *Picks up phone.* "Hello! Super Return of the Eggman Empire! Would you like to make a pledge?"

Nerd on other side of the phone: "Uhhhhhhhhh, is this Mario's Pizza?"

Eggman: "A pledge of ten thousand dollars? How generous! We've traced the number you called from. We'll send a bill to your house, and if you don't pay it, a squadron of killer robots after you. Thank you, please call again!" *Hangs up.*

Cookies: "Kurakusan! Mom says to pick up some milk! Do it or I'll smash you!"

Kurakusan: "Rrrrr... You may have won this round, but I'll be back!" *Jumps into the hole he came from.*

Eggman: "Cookies, you've saved our world! What do you wish to say, hero?"

Cookies: "WAHZAAAAH! OK, I gotta go now." *Jumps in the hole too.*

Eggman: "Isn't that great? Our next performance is my arch-rival, Sonic the Hedgehog, performing the 'Run real real fast until I crash into a wall' stunt."

Sonic: *Runs on stage.* "That's not what I said!"

Eggman: "Close enough!" *Tosses a hundred pound weight at Sonic.*

Sonic: *Sidesteps it and watches it cause a bunch of damage to the floor.* "Er... Huh?"

Eggman: "'Mental! Clean up on aisle 5!"

'Mental: *Walks to the stage.* "One, we don't have aisles. Two... Er, I'm not a janitor of any sort."

Eggman: "Oh yeah. ...What are you doing here, anyway? I don't remember what your job is."

'Mental: "I dun think I really have one anymore... I'm just Ishnt's girlfriend..."

Eggman: "OK then. Sonic, do whatever it was you were gonna do."

Sonic: "For my stunt, I will build 1000-"

Eggman: "You're out of time. Now get off my stage!"

Sonic: "What? But I haven't gotten to do anything!"

Eggman: "Too bad! You should have done the stunt faster! Now GET OFF MY STAGE!"

Sonic: "Argh, fine."

Eggman: "And take the door to your left. It's not booby trapped!"

Sonic: "...Wait... The only reason you'd so blatantly say it wasn't booby trapped would be if it WAS booby trapped... Or that's what you'd want me to think... And you're trying to trick me into taking the door on the right! But what if you thought I'd think about this and decided to REALLY make the door on the left booby trapped? But then, of course, you knew I'd think about it even more, and make the door on the right booby trapped again, which means you'd make the door on the left, and the door on the right, and the... AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" *Runs out to the right.*

Eggman: "The secret... is I didn't booby trap EITHER door."

Drummer: *Bud-um-pumb! Psssssh!*

Eggman: "Next, we have the This Machine singing YATTA!"

*Eggmobile flies in and drops the This Machine on the stage. It's a machine with two buttons, "Off" and "In?" and a lever type bar thing that says "Yogurt?" It stands still for a moment.*

Eggman: "Hmmmmm..." *Presses a button.*

The This Machine: "G! I! DOUBLE E! F! LIVES! G! I! DOUBLE E! F! LIVES! Is so easy! Happy go lucky! Wh-e-re's Warudo? We didu it! Q Q Q Q! BUS BUS BUS BUS! YATTA! YATTA! YATTA!"

Eggman: "As for me, I'm going to the back room! Again!" *Goes.*

Audience: *Stares as the This Machine dances and sings. Stares even MORE when it grows arms and smashes a mallet with a watermellon.*

*MEANWHILE! IN THE BACKROOM!*

Eggman: *In a mirror, adjusting a new tie he just put on. He's still wearing his normal outfit, though.* "Yep, Ivo old boy, this show's a booming success! Wait, HUH?!" *Sees an old man with a grey mustache in his mirror, turns and sees no one here.* "Wha... Was... Was that my grandfather? Is this studio... HAUNTED?"

*DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!*

*MEANWHILE! ON THE STAGE!*

The This Machine: "OHIOOOOOOOOO!"

Eggman: *Walks on stage.* "Audience! Help! I think this studio's haunted!"

*Suddenly, the intercom systems spring to life!"

Voice of Professor Gerald: "All of you ungrateful humans, who took everything away from me, will feel my loss, and despair!"

Eggman: "Grandpa! Get out of the intercom system!"

Professor Gerald: "NEVER! I will destroy you along with this studio!"

Eggman: "OK then. It's time we show that creep the REAL SUPER POWER of TEAMWORK!" *Shoots the intercom system, the ghost of Professor Gerald falls to the ground.*

Professor Gerald: "Ow! What did THAT have to do with teamwork?"

Eggman: "I dunno." *Splashes holy water on the ghost.* "Spirit, depart!"

Professor Gerald: "I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAaaaaaaack-!!!" *Disappears.*

Eggman: "Good thing I always keep some holy water on me! Our next act is... uh... Shadow the Hedgehog! Awwww, crap, you mean he's STILL not dead? Whatever, bring him on stage."

Shadow: *Nose pierced, ears pierced, etc.* "...CRAAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIN! THESE WOUNDS, THEY WIIIIIIIIIIILL NOT HEEEEEAL!"

Eggman: "Boooooooo angst." *Throws eggs at Shadow.*

Shadow: "Hey, what do you think you're doing? I am the ultimate lifefo- WAH!" *Slips and falls on his face.*

Eggman: "OOH HOO HOO! THAT's what I call entertainment."

Another Shadow: *This one doesn't have any extra piercing. Walks onstage.* "What's that?" *Points at the other Shadow.*

Eggman: "There's more of you?! DAMN!"

Shadow B: "Hey! Listen to me! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring! Banana phone! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring! Banana phoooooooooone!"

Eggman: "...Well. I wasn't expecting that."

Shadow A: "ANGST!"

Shadow B: "RANDOMNESS!"

Shadow A: "ANGST!"

Shadow B: "RANDOMNESS!"

Shadow A: "ANGST!"

Shadow B: "RANDOMNESS!"

Shadow A: "ANGST!"

Shadow B: "Let's call the whole thing off! You say potato, I say stapler!"

Shadow A: "That's it! I am gonna kick your ass!"

Shadow B: "Bring it, ya wuss!" *The Shadows fight.*

Eggman: "Heheh, this is starting to shape up."

Inferno: "Uhh... Why are there two Shadows anyway?"

Eggman: "Eh, who cares!"

Shadow B: *Punches Shadow A in the face, who falls to the floor and curls up.* "Ha! Is it any wonder with all his whining that he's such a wuss? I mean, seriously!" *A tub falls on his head.* "Ow! Where'd that come from?" *A bell falls on him.* *Muffled.* "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS NABESHIIIIIIN!" *Clanging sounds inside the bell.*

Nabeshin: "Eh, let's try it without the gags!"

Eggman: "No! Get out of my studio, afro guy!"

Nabeshin: "Don't mind me!" *Runs.*

Eggman: "Now, for our next act-"

*Telephone ring!*

Eggman: *Picks up phone.* "Hello? ...Heeeeeeellllo?"

*Telephone ring!*

Eggman: "Huh? I've already got the phone picked up."

Shadow B: *Lifts the bell off him.* "Try mine!" *Tosses a banana to Eggman.*

Eggman: "...er..." *Puts it to his ear.* "Hello?"

Omega (on the other line): "ELIMINATE ELIMINATE ELIMINATE ELIMINATE ELIMI-"

Eggman: "SHUT UP!"

Omega: "PLEDGE A PIECE OF STRING AND A STICK OF GUM. ELIMINATE."

Eggman: "OK! Fine! Thank you! Now... Who are you again?"

Omega: "ELIMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" *Smashes phone.*

Eggman: "FINE!" *Throws the banana to the ground, and it splatters.*

Shadow B: "Hey, that was mine!"

Eggman: "Anyway! For our next act, we have THE RANTING GERMAN!"

The Ranting German: "Wissen Sie, was mich wirklich stört? On-line-Übersetzer! Sie erhalten immer die Grammatik ganz falsch und verwirren manchmal sogar herauf die Wörter! Leute sollten erlernen, Sprachen besser zu sprechen, wenn sie sie in etwas einsetzen möchten! Danke."

Eggman: "Yeah, I gotta agree with you on that. Except, you know what?"

The Ranting German: "Was?"

Eggman: "I know you're really using them! Ha ha ha! Muahaha! And bwahaha! I saw a bunch of gramatical errors in your sentence, Ranting German. Or, perhaps I should say... THE RANTING FRENCHMAN WHO PRETENDS TO BE GERMAN!"

The Ranting German: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

Eggman: "So! Now what's next?"

Random Wise Man: *Appears on stage.* "Eh. Hello there. I am..." *Echo.* "RANDOM WISE MAN!"

Eggman: "Hi!"

Random Wise Man: "I have advice! Umm... and that is... to... duck."

Eggman: "Duck?"

*Wrecking ball smashes through wall, Eggman quickly ducks and the wrecking ball, which detaches from the chain connected to it, and smashes into the stage.*

Aqua: *Floating in the air, holding the chain.* "Oops."

Eggman: "Argh! You idiot! You disappear for months, and the first thing you do when you return is cause a bunch of problems!"

Aqua: "Nuh uh. I ate the giant Eggman statue before I did tha- wait, you're right."

Eggman: "Explain to me... WHY DON'T I MELT YOU DOWN AND MAKE A BETTER ROBOT?!"

Aqua: "Because!"

Eggman: "...Just get out of here!"

Aqua: "Yes sir!" *Flies off.*

Eggman: "Now! Our next act is... Aqua. Great."

Aqua: *Pops up out of one of the now multiple holes in the stage.* "Nani?"

Eggman: "Just hurry up and do your act!"

Aqua: "Right!" *Jumps out of the hole and cheesy 80's commercial music begins.* "Eggman Empire! It's for breakfast now! Eggman Empire! It's a city, wow! Eggman Empire! Super Eggman runs! Eggman Empire! It's an egg flavored punch! Eggman Empire! There's robots too! Eggman Empire! And Sonic is blue! Eggman Empire is part of my important breakfast!" *Music ends.*

Eggman: "Aqua! Do NOT eat Eggman Land! Especially not while I'm here!"

Aqua: "Awwww, OK." *Flies off through one of the walls.*

Eggman: "I don't even know if this studio will still be standing by the end of the show..."

Baconman: *In the Bacon Walker, bursts through wall.* "Hello, you eggy moron!"

Eggman: "BACONMAN! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO!"

Baconman: "No! I've created a machine to finally destroy you! I'm not gonna wait to use it!"

Eggman: "HA! Let's see how tough you really are!" *Aims the Egg Blaster at him and fires, but it fizzzles out.* "...Oh crap!"

Baconman: "Now you die!" *Aims cannon at Eggman.*

Eggman: "SONIKKU!" *Echoes.*

*MEANWHILE! Miles away!*

Eggman's voice: "SONIKKU!"

Sonic: *Skids to a halt.* "You've got to be kidding me..." *Runs back toward Eggman Land.*

*BACK AT THE STUDIO!*

*Eggman is dodging many laser blasts from Baconman. Random Wise Man is hitting the Bacon Walker with his cane. Inferno is hitting it with his mallet, and 'Mental's watching the fight on a nearby couch.*

Eggman: *Between panting and dodging.* "Hey... Where's Ishnt, anyway?"

Ishnt: *Staggers to a stand.* "I was still on the stage! That wrecking ball hit me, the Bacon Walker stepped on me, that 100 pound weight fell on me!" *One of his arms falls off.* "Ow. My casing's all cracked..."

Eggman: "Ishnt! Help!"

Ishnt: "Agh..." *Turns his remaining arm into a cannon and aims at the Bacon Walker.* *Begins charging.* "Baconman! You cannot succeed at this!" *Fires a burst of energy, but it fizzles out as it hits Baconman.*

Eggman: "Wha- WHAT?!"

Ishnt: "My power generator appears to be damaged..."

Baconman: "Ha ha ha! Useless machines!" *Uses the Bacon Walker to kick Ishnt away.*

Ishnt: "Waaaaaaaaaah!" *Crashes into the couch.* "Hi 'Mental!"

'Mental: "Are you OK?"

Ishnt: "Just fine." *Gets back up.* "I need to find a new power generator." *Opens up a compartment on his chest, takes out a crow.* "This one's damaged." *Crow is bleeding.*

'Mental: "Awwww! Poor crow!"

Ishnt: "Take care of it..." *Hands the crow to 'Mental.* "I can survive off my backup power supply long enough to find another one."

'Mental: "OK! Good lucK! Don't get killed!"

Eggman: "I... can...'t... run... much more..."

Sonic: *Runs in.* "Hey Egghead! Why'd ya call me?"

Eggman: "Sonic you idiot! Can't you see I'm being attacked by Baconman in a giant robot?!"

Sonic: "Oh. Sucks for you! See ya!" *Begins to run off in the opposite direction.*

Eggman: "I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!"

Ishnt: "Huh?"

Ishnt's logic: "Hedgehog -----> Animal -----> Power Source"

Ishnt: "Aha!" *Fires a net at Sonic from his cannon.*

Sonic: *Trapped.* "Huh?!"

Ishnt: *Puts Sonic in the compartment he had the crow in.* "MUAHAHAHA!" *Begins charging...*

Baconman: "Huh? What's that?" *Looks over at Ishnt.*

Ishnt: *Cannon is glowing incredibly bright, and making a REALLY loud whiiiir sound.* "Bye Baconman!" *Fires at Baconman, causing the Bacon Walker to explode.*

Inferno: "PWNT!" *Hits Baconman with the mallet and he goes flying, until he becomes a star in the distance.*

Announcer Voice: "GAME!"

*Ishnt and Inferno do victory poses.*

Announcer Voice: "This game's winner is... EGG TEAM!"

*Ishnt's theme is playing in the background.*

Inferno: "Wha? Why's YOUR theme playing? I beat Baconman!"

Ishnt: "But I did the most damage!"

Eggman: "But I take all the credit! Muahahaha!"

Sonic: "Help!"

Ishnt: "Oh yeah!" *Opens compartment and hands the net with Sonic in it to Eggman.* "I caught Sonic!"

Eggman: *Takes the net.* "Perfect! I'll send it to the incinerator."

Shadow C: *Off stage.* "I don't think so!"

Eggman: "ANOTHER one?"

Shadow C: *Walks on stage, wearing a rediculous superhero outfit.* "My name is Super Shad- er... Super Shader. Yeah."

Eggman: "And what are YOU doing here?"

Super Shader: "Well, for one, you created me."

Eggman: "I did? I don't remember doing that!"

Super Shader: "Maybe an alternate you did?"

Eggman: "Alternates? Crap."

Super Shader: "In any case, I'm here to free Sonic!" *Throws a bunch of shurikens at the net, slicing it open.*

Eggman: "Random Shadow! Attack the Super Shader!"

Shadow B: "KHAAAAAAAAAAN BEAM!" *Fires a laser out of his hand at Super Shader, firing him into the distance.*

Eggman: "Yosh! Now to to recapture Sonic, and- crap, he's already gone."

Ishnt: "I think the show's just about ready to be wrapped up."

Eggman: "You think so? OK then. The final act is a big musical number!"

*Ishnt, Inferno, Shadow B, Random Wise Man, Eggman, Sera and 'Mental get on the stage. The music to "Hybrid Rainbow" by the pillows begins to play.*

Eggman: "This planet on which we be,
is soooooon to beeee-long to me!
This planet that I do find...
for my Empire.
I am here to rule today,
I've made a show for cash and now I do quite say!
You are fools!
I will rule!
This planet, Earth."

Eggman and the rest: "But don't you see?
We've come so far!
Our goals are,
so close now!
Ultra useless line! *Around this part, everyone but Eggman gets confused expression.*
A sandlot! *Expressions increase.*
And a tank made of bows!" *Mostly everyone is getting ready to walk off the stage.*

Eggman: "CAN YOU FEEEEEEEEEEEL?! CAN YOU FEEL THAT EGGMAN EMPI-"

*Loud explosion as what's left of the wall behind the stage comes down, and the music stops abruptly as the band stares. Behind the wall are Darth Vader, Kurakusan, Professor Gerald, Omega, Baconman, a bird, and the nerd that was on other side of the phone.*

Eggman: "Damn it! Can't you people leave me alone for JUST A WHILE?!"

Darth Vader: "You have no chance to survive, make your time! Wait, wrong line."

Kurakusan: "I TOLD YOU I'D BE BACK!"

Professor Gerald: "Hohoho! Ever since you've destroyed Prison Island, I've had no place to haunt... But I will continue to follow you!"

Omega: "ELIMINATE!"

Baconman: "I WON'T give up that easily."

Bird: *Points at Sera.* "You ate my brother! I'm here for revenge!"

Nerd that was on the other side of the phone: "If you think I'm gonna pay that bill, you're insane!"

Eggman: "Ohhhhhhhh great. Ishnt! Attack Baconman! Inferno, you go after Vader. Random Shadow, Omega's yours! Random Wise Man, see what you can do about Kurakusan. 'Mental, attack Nerd Man. Sera, you've got the bird, obviously. As for my grandfather... I'll take care of him myself."

All on Eggman's side: "Right!"

Inferno: "So, come on Vader! Let's see what you got, foo'."

Darth Vader: *Slices Inferno in half.*

Inferno: "Nooooooooooo, I'm dyiiiiiiiing..." *Melts into the ground, then pops back up behind Vader.* *Hits him in the back of the head with the mallet.* "Pfft! Getting sliced in half doesn't phase me."

Darth Vader: "You don't know the POWER of the Dark Side!"

Inferno: "...yes. Yes I do. I'm a MEMBER of the Dark Side." *Hits him away.* "FORE!"

Darth Vader: *Spins off in circles, breathing heavily.*

Shadow B: "Well now, tincan. Let's see what you got."

Omega: "ELIMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaate!" *Runs and punches in the direction of Shadow, who backflips out of the way.*

Shadow B: "Do you mind? I'm doing witty banter with my opponent." *Points at a tin can sitting on a shelf.*

Omega: "MUST DESTROY TIN CAN." *Fires a missile at it, causing it and the entire shelf to explode.*

Shadow B: "Dude. You NEED to calm down. You're gonna have a stroke if you get so worked up."

Omega: "ROBOTS DO NOT HAVE STROKES."

Shadow B: "What about keystrokes?"

Omega: "MUST DESTROY SOURCE OF PUNS." *Fires a missile at Shadow, who kicks it back toward Omega, causing him to explode.*

Shadow B: "I may be random, but I'm still the ultimate life!" *Turns and walks, falling into one of the holes in the stage.* "Oof! Ow."

Ishnt: "So, Baconman. We meet again."

Baconman: "Muahaha! Yes."

Ishnt: "Uh huh."

Baconman: "Yep."

Ishnt: "So..."

Baconman: "Yeah. I don't have any Bacon Walker to fight with."

Ishnt: "Yeah. So, goodbye!" *Aims at Baconman, but collapses before he can fire.*

Eggman: "What the crap?!"

'Mental: "You DID remember to replace his power supply, didn't you?"

Eggman: "Oh yeah... Oops."

Sera: "I have an idea!"

Baconman: "She has an idea! Get her!"

Baconbots: *Run toward Sera.*

Sera: "Ha!" *Punches one, then elbows one coming up behind her, then kicks another one, and kicks another one, and uppercuts another one. Yeah.*

Phone: *Rings!*

Eggman: "Hold on a second, please!" *Picks up phone.* "Hello?"

Il Palazzo: *On the other side of the phone.* "Yes. I would like to donate five million dollars to your cause."

Eggman: "YOSH! Thanks for your generosity!" *Hangs up.* "Now... Let's continue the fight! Ready!"

Sera: "Yay!" *Kicks the bird, knocking it out.* "Here!" *Puts it in Ishnt's power generator compartment.*

Ishnt: *Gets up.* "OK now!" *Shoots at Baconman, who runs off.*

Baconman: "I'LL BE BAAAAACK! MAYBE NOT THIS EPISODE, BUT I WILL BE BACK EVENTUALLYYYYYYY!"

Random Wise Man: "Uh, I don't really fight. Be right back." *Teleports away.*

Everyone else: *Waits.*

Eggman: "So, grandpa, how've you been?"

Professor Gerald: "A VENGEFUL SPIRIT WISHING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE!"

Eggman: "Uh huh. How's that working out for you?"

Professor Gerald: "It would've been working out great if you and your little band of circus rejects hadn't foiled my master plan!"

Eggman: "Hey! Come on, that's offensive! Don't associate me with that band of circus rejects!"

Random Wise Man: *Reappears with Cookies.* "Hello again!"

Kurakusan: "You've got to be kidding me..."

Cookies: "I warned you, Kurakusan..." *Pose.* "SUPER MEGA TRANSFORMATION MODE NOW!" *Dunna dun dun! Transform into...*

AWESOME COOKIES!: "I am AWESOME COOKIES!! Now, take this!" *Super awesome combo of moves using time slowing, time speeding, punches, kicks, spins, jumps, stuff like that.*

Kurakusan: "Owwwwwww..."

'Mental: "You!" *Points at nerd.* "Go away."

Nerd: "OK." *Goes.*

Eggman: "So, gramps... It's just you and me now..." *Entire STUDIO collapses, they're now standing in the open streets of Eggman Land... only with an audience around them, and standing on a wooden/stone ground. Professor Gerald corporealizes, and the rest of the people get to the sidelines. Gerald and Eggman stand on opposite sides of the stage. The band begins to play a Western style shootout showdown song... Specifically, Colorless Sky from Trigun.*

Professor Gerald: "Indeed... so it is..." *Draws the Gerald Blaster.*

Eggman: *Draws his Egg Blaster.* "Only one of us can leave here alive..."

Professor Gerald: "Either way, it ain't gonna be me."

Eggman: *Aims at Professor Gerald.*

Professor Gerald: *Aims at Eggman.*

*Long pause.*

Both: *Fire!*

Professor Gerald: "Agh!" *Falls to the ground.*

Eggman: "HA!" *Begins to bleed.* "Oh... Aw, crap." *Falls.*

Sera: "Ivo!" *Runs to Eggman.* "Are you OK?"

Eggman: "He got me... I'm fading fast... Sera... It's up to you... To... Oh, wait, he only got the bottle of ketchup I was saving for a hot dog after the show."

Professor Gerald: "I... SHALL RETURN!" *Melts into the ground.*

*Music stops.*

Eggman: "Well!" *Stands up.* "I've got ketchup all over my new tie. But! I've also got five million more dollars than when I started, which I'll probably have to use a lot of to rebuild this studio. But hey! It was a successful show, right?"

Audience: "Yaaaaaaay!"

'Mental: "Oh! By the way, the crow's healed!" *Hands it back to Ishnt.*

Ishnt: "Yay!" *Puts it in the compartment.* "Ah, good to have it back. Here, you can have this one, Sera." *Hands the other bird to Sera, who eats it immediately.*

*MEANWHILE! IN SERA'S STOMACH!*

Bird 1 (who is the same bird who appeared earlier in the story): "Chirp or something."

Bird 2: *Falls in.* "WAAAAH!"

Bird 1: "Hey bro! What are you doing here?"

Bird 2: "I have failed at revenge! I must commit seppuku."

Bird 1: "Eh! Take it easy. If this fanfic even continues, we'll be gone by the next chapter anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

Bird 2: "Why did I even risk my life to save someone so such as you?"

Bird 1: "Doesn't matter! The important thing is, you DID take the risk, and you didn't lose at it."

Bird 2: "YES I DID!"

Bird 1: "Ah. Oh well!"

*MEANWHILE! BACK IN THE REMAINS OF THE STUDIO!*

Eggman: "Well! I thank you all again for coming to my show! I feel it was very successful, and I hope you agreed! If I get enough good reviews, I'll continue the show later. If not, I'll vaporize all of you. Goodnight, Eggman Land! Please exit via the door on your left."

Audience: *Looks around, not seeing any doors at all.* *They leave anyway.*

Eggman: "Ha ha! That was great!"

Random Wise Man: "Yes! Well, I must be going. Good luck! See you later, Eggman! If the show continues, call me!" *Teleports away.*

AWESOME COOKIES!: *Turns back to normal Cookies.* "Come on, Kurakusan, we're leaving!" *Opens a portal and throws Kurakusan in.*

Kurakusan: "YOU'LL PAAAAAAY FOR THIIIIIIS!"

Cookies: *Goes into the portal.*

Inferno: "Well, I'll be back to pwn you all later. I'm headin' back to the Vanilla Dome. Good luck with the destroyed studio and all! Make sure I get more lines if there's another show. See ya, yo." *Flies off.*

Eggman: "Speaking of the destroyed studio... Ishnt, 'Mental, Sera would you please help me clean this up?"

Shadow B: *Climbs out of the hole in the stage while Eggman, Ishnt, 'Mental, and Sera get to cleaning.* "Well, all's well that ends well, I say. But there's one thing that's bugging me."

All else: "What?"

Shadow B: "HIM!" *Points at Shadow A, who's still curled up on the floor, crying.*

Eggman: "Ah, him." *Picks Shadow A up and sets him on his feet.* "Dude, lighten up! Life's not that bad! I mean, sure, you're just a robot clone of some hedgehog who died, but hey! At least YOU'RE alive! That means you can do stuff!"

Shadow A: "But... But... Then people wouldn't think I'm COOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!"

Eggman: "Dude! No one thinks getting all huffy and angsty makes you cool! It just makes you a wuss! Take life as it comes! I mean, nothing that bad's really happened to YOU!"

Shadow A: "What... should I do?"

Eggman: "Move to Japan and drink lots of sake! That's what I did when I went through my angsty period. It gave me a big red nose!"

Shadow A: "You're right! Thanks Eggman! I'm going now!" *Skates off.* "See you later maybe! Bye!"

Shadow B: "Yep. I feel the urge to say that alcohol is not the answer to life's problems, but that most of what Eggman said made sense."

Announcer Voice: "Well, it seems that the angsty Shadow has learned a valuable life lesson. The studio the show was held in was mostly decimated, but Il Palazzo's donation should be at least enough to repair it. Life can return to normal in Eggman Land... well, as normal as life can get there... And now, with the new random Shadow there, it seems that another person is there to fight for the Eggman Empire! With new friends, lots of money, and a new series for random insanity, things seem good again in Eggman Land. Time will tell if this show will successfully revive the EE, and-"

Eggman: *Punches through the stage and pulls out an Omochao, who's been doing all the announcing.* "Will you shut up, we're trying to concentrate!"

Omochao: "Tune in next time for another exciting episode of THE SUPER EGGMAN SUPER SHOW!" *Explodes, blackening Eggman's face.*

Eggman: *Cough.* "Well then. Time to plot my next show and/or adventure!"

TO BE CONTINUED...