Aboard the ARK
Part 11
Return of Aboard the ARK!

*The entire cast is passed out on the floor of the ARK.*

Shadow: *Opens eyes.* "W...what the crap? I feel as if I’ve been unconscious for a year..."

Silver Shadow: "We have."

Shadow: "What?!"

Silver Shadow: "According to my internal systems, I was last online December 1st, one year ago. It is December 11th now."

Shadow: "Ohhhhhhh crap..."

Eggman: *Yawn.* "What's going on? Why hasn't the author done the chapter introduction and recap yet?"

Shadow: "Hey, he's right..."

Eggman: "Something definitely not good is going on around here."

Shadow: "So, we pass out for over a year, and now the author seems to have gone missing. Does anyone else get the feeling our universe is in peril?"

Ishnt: "Isn't that a good thing?"

Shadow: "...WHAT?!"

Ishnt: "Those are valuable, right?"

Shadow: ".............."

*Suddenly, a portion of the ARK dissolves!*

Eggman: "Remember when I said something not good is happening?"

Shadow: "What the hell was THAT?!"

Silver Shadow: "And more importantly, why aren't we being pulled into space or having trouble breathing or anything of that sort?"

Eggman: "And was the ARK always this transparent?"

*The ARK fades away into nothingness, and they are left standing in the vast expanse of space!*

Ishnt: "I'm cold..."

Eggman: "You have a coat!"

Ishnt: "...no I don't..."

Eggman: "...Oh. Oh yeah. What am I talking about?"

Shadow: "And why do I get the feeling that I'm supposed to be dead?"

Ishnt: "And that I'm supposed to be smart?"

Silver Shadow and Hammernik: "And that we're not supposed to exist?"

Eggman: "And that I'm supposed to be insane and... wait, never mind."

Ishnt: "...does anyone see that blue thing in the distance?" *Points.*

Eggman: "Let's go after it!" *Runs.*

Shadow: "I seriously doubt that is within the realm of possibilit-"

*A giant bottle of hand sanitizer appears in the air next to Shadow and starts to blink in and out of existance.*

Hand Sanitizer: "You have three. Hundred. Thirty. Eight. New messages."

Shadow: "...Uh, right." *Runs after Eggman.*

The rest: *Follow.*

Eggman: *Catches the blue thing, which happens to be a humanoid in a blue coat floating through space on his back, by the arm.* "Hey! You! Whoa, he's got an Eggman Empire insignia on his shirt."

Blue Coated Guy: "...wh... Wha?! Where am I?" *Looks over and sees Ishnt, Silver Shadow, and Hammernik.* "Is this Aboard the ARK?"

Eggman: "It was. But the ARK appears to have melted or something."

Blue Coated Guy: "Wha... It's been over a year since the last chapter..."

Eggman: "A year?!"

Blue Coated Guy: "Much more than that if you wanna be technical. But it wasn't released to the public until many months after its creation anyway, so, I'd say... About 18 months since the last chapter."

Eggman: "Holy crap! Who are you? And how do you know all this?"

Blue Coated Guy: "My name... Is Ishntknew."

*Lightning strikes in the background! Even though they're standing in space.*

Ishnt: "Hey! But you can't be Ishntknew! That's my name!"

Other Ishnt: "I'm you from an alternate dimension. I am the author of this fanfic."

Ishnt: "Wait, so I'm an author character?"

Other Ishnt: "By name and somewhat appearence... but not much else."

Eggman: "Yo! Author dude! These revelations are great and all, but don't you think you should be doing something more useful? Like... Say... Recovering the ARK?"

Other Ishnt: "Right..." *Waves hand and the ARK materializes around them.*

Eggman: "Now..." *Aims a gun at Ishnt.* "Care to explain what's going on?"

Ishnt: "Why are you aiming at me?"

Eggman: "...wait, wrong one." *Aims at author Ishnt instead.*

*OPENING TITLES AND COMMERCIAL BREAK.*

Wes Weasley: "Tired of annoying commercials? Then come on down to Wes Weasley's Commercial Evaporator Emporium! Our products are guaranteed to work *quietly* as paperweights *louder* So call now!"

Salesman: "Buy my stolen goods for half off. Come on down to EGGNIC SALESMAN'S DESERT HIDEOUT! So hurry up, before the cops see this message!"

Eggman: "Read Cronies! It has better commercials!"

*END COMMERCIAL BREAK.*

SCENE 1 - The ARK, a room where there's a lot of chairs and comfortable furnature.
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Author Ishnt: "See, it all started when I first came to a website called the Eggman Empire... That was a few years ago... I read a fanfic called the Eggman Empire, and it inspired me to create my own." *Walks around, motioning to the room.* "Aboard the ARK! A fanfic starring Eggman, and following his zany, madcap adventures, with his random and insane henchman Ishnt, the calm and collected Shadow, the calculating and intellegent Silver Shadow, and the mostly useless Hammernik."

Hammernik: "Hey!"

Author Ishnt: "It was a hit. An EE favorite!" *Waves hand, a mug of hot chocolate suddenly appearing in everyone's hand.* "It was updated fairly often. The chapters weren't executed particularly beautifully, but it was a good concept. There were a few glaringly obvious problems... Its unorganized style... The shortness of the chapters... The lack of character developement, and, in particular, Silver Shadow and Hammernik's near complete LACK of character."

Silver Shadow: "I should feel offended... but you're right."

Author Ishnt: "Nonetheless, the people seemed to like the humor. The fanfic updated weekly pretty much. Well, that is, until chapter 9. At chapter 9, a short break was taken to generate hype for chapter 10, which would be the most amazing chapter of Aboard the ARK yet. There was to be a bunch of incredible plot points and action and adventure... A much longer chapter than usual... But the short break would turn to months. Chapter 9 was finished on January 2nd. Aboard the ARK 10 wasn't completed until April."

Eggman: "Doesn't seem TOO long of a break. What's the 'but'?"

Author Ishnt: "It's this. Not only would it not be uploaded until December of 2003, Aboard the ARK 10, while still being one of the best episodes of Aboard the ARK thus far, fell far short of expectations. It turned into a mere cameo-fest, where mods from the Eggman Empire teamed up and made quick work of Eggman's randomly appearing and unexplained rival, Baconman, in a most unspectacular fashion."

Eggman: "And then?"

Author Ishnt: "I became a moderator at the Eggman Empire forums. Aboard the ARK was put on hold... I had other projects to do. Sure, it would return some day, but it wasn't a priority. Of course, the projects piled up and piled up and piled up... And Aboard the ARK was at the bottom of a very big, VERY heavy pile of work. And it was getting heavier instead of lightening. Add into the equation the fact that I got a girlfriend to occupy most of my free time, and you've got one bleak looking future for this particular fanfic."

Eggman: "So why's it starting to look up?"

Author Ishnt: "Simply put, the EE is dying. In order to survive, it needs some FOOD. As such, I'm pulling Aboard the ARK higher up on the pile. The other projects require more work and more time. My girlfriend's still top priority, followed by anything with a deadline, but congrats."

Eggman: "Uh huh... So what's with our brains being all scrambled?"

Author Ishnt: "Problem is, I've been working on so many different universes with you characters that they're leaking into eachother a bit. If you start to think something you think you shouldn't think, forget about it."

Eggman: "And... Why'd the universe start to dissolve? And why were you floating around in space?"

Author Ishnt: "The universe started to dissolve because I tried to put myself in this universe and it caused a bunch of problems... Including me passing out. Anyway, I'll be heading back to my universe now..." *Disappears in a flash of light.*

Eggman: "That was odd. What was I doing again?"

Shadow: "I forget. Do you have any plans?"

Eggman: "Yes... Behold...

PLAN 253 - THE REVISION INSTRUMENT!"

Shadow: "What kind of name is that?"

Eggman: "It almost rhymes..."

Shadow: "Whatever. Have you made it yet?"

Eggman: "I'm getting to that! Sheesh, what's with hedgehogs and their impatience? In any case... no, not really."

Shadow: *Sigh.* "What's it supposed to do?"

Eggman: "Quite simple! It will automatically change every book in the world, rewriting ME as the hero in EVERY situation, and putting Sonic as the villain!"

Shadow: "Won't people still remember what really happened?"

Eggman: "I care not! And now... I'm off!" *Runs.*

SCENE 2 - South Island
-------------------------------

*A capsule burns down from the sky with a rage of the justice not long passed! And it's going really fast.*

Random Citizen: "AHHHHHHHHHH! CRAP! I'M GONNA DIE!"

Capsule: *Crashes and explodes.*

Random Citizen: "AHHHHHHHHH! CRAP! I'M DEAD!"

Random Citizen 2: "...You don't seem to be."

Random Citizen: "Can you prove it? Can you PROVE it?"

Sonic: *Crawls out of the burning wreakage.* "And that's why I'm the leader."

Knuckles: *Also crawling out.* "What? You're the one who crashed us into South Island!"

Sonic: "If I hadn't taken the controls from you we would've crashed into the sun! We were literally 20 seconds from impact!"

Knuckles: "I TOLD you, I thought I was colorblind!"

Sonic: "The lack of any continents didn't tip you off to something being ami- Wait, THOUGHT you were colorblind?"

Tails: *Crawls out.* "So, no casualties?"

Sonic: "None." *Dusts himself off.* "Remember, if anyone asks, we didn't get captured by mousetraps."

Little Kid: "S...Sonic the Hedgehog?"

Sonic: "Yeah?"

Little Kid: "WAAAAAH! We read about you in history! You're the one who assassinated President Eggman after he abolished slavery!"

Sonic: "...huh?"

Little Kid: *Calls his friends, who call their friends, and etc.*

Sonic: "I seriously doubt this is good."

Little Kid: "We will capture you to justice!"

Sonic: "Be ready to your defend self!"

Tails: "...What?"

Sonic: "You know what I meant!"

Knuckles: "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but apparently these kids don't see ME as a threat." *Begins to walk off.*

Sonic: "Wh- what?! You have to stay and help us out here!"

Knuckles: "Why?"

Sonic: "Because we're in trouble!"

Tails: "Actually, it seems that just you are."

Sonic: "Don't tell me YOU'RE leaving too!"

Tails: "No, of course not! ...maybe... yeah, see you later." *Flies off.*

Sonic: "I am having a really bad day."

SCENE 3 - The ARK again!
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President: *On a monitor.* "Eggman, why do we have Sonic incarcerated?"

Eggman: "Because he's evil?"

President: "Since when?"

Shadow: "Yes, I'm quite interested in the answer to this question as well."

Eggman: *Glares at Shadow.* "Since the earliest recorded history. Honestly, Mr. President, what DID they teach you in school?"

President: "They told us that the Bill of Rights was signed NOT by Eggman. That it was King George, and not King Sonic. And that it wasn't Eggman who opened up Japan to foreign travel!"

Eggman: "Yeah, well, they also taught you that too much sun radiation is bad for you."

President: "...it is!"

Eggman: "Exactly. And that's why Sonic did every evil thing in the history of ever."

President: "...These history books tell of several accounts of Sonic killing you! Even multiple times in the same battle! And vice versa!"

Eggman: "Well... yeeah... but they say it, therefore it must be true."

President: "This is insanity. You cannot truly expect us to believe this!"

Eggman: "I dare you to find ONE doccument accusing me of evildoing. Even your reports on the battles against Sonic show that I was clearly preventing him from stuffing animals in Badniks and taking over the world."

President: "Those reports describe you as a blue, teenaged hedgehog who's an egg shaped scientist with a big mustache and an IQ of 300!"

Eggman: "Indeed. That's what I be... yo. Mah homies. I'm a gangster, dog. See? I'm teenaged."

President: "And a hedgehog?"

Eggman: "Oh, like Sonic looks ANYTHING like a hedgehog."

President: "What about VIDEO DOCUMENTATION?" *Puts a video in and it displays on the monitor.*

BEGIN VIDEO

Screen: "How DR. EGGMAN defeated the Biohedgehog."

Eggman: "Eggman, how are you holding up!"

Eggman: "Here I come, you creep!"

Sonic: *On the ARK, pulling it to Earth.* "RAR."

*The two Eggmans crash into Sonic multiple times.*

Sonic: "Rar." *Dies.*

Eggman: "I must destroy all the evil my grandfather has created!"

Eggman: "No way that's getting through!"

Mario's Voice: "It's-a me! Mario! Give-a them a chance to eat pasta!"

Eggman: "Mario!"

Eggman: "Ready Shad- Eggman?"

Both: "CHAOOOOOOOS CONTROL!"

*CHAOS CONTROL CHAOS CONTROLS THE ARK AWAY FROM EARTH!*

Eggman: *Falling to Earth.* "Mario... This is what you wanted, right? This is my promise I made to the pasta industry..."

People of Earth: *CHEER.*

*On the ARK!*

Eggman: *Walks through door.*

Eggman: "Where is Eggman?"

Eggman: *Shakes head sadly."

Eggman: "Do you really think the professor created him... Eggman... To carry out his revenge on all those who lived on Earth?"

Eggman: "He was what he was. A brave and heroic hedgehog, who gave his life to save the planet. Eggman the Genius..."

Eggman: "I guess you're right."

Eggman: "As a child, I looked up to my grandfather for all the great things he accomplished in his life. He was my hero! And I wanted to be a great scientist, like him. But... did he really mean to destroy us?"

Eggman: "I don't know! But what I do know is, we all-"

END VIDEO WITH STATIC AND THEN THE PRESIDENT REAPPEARS ON THE MONITOR

President: "...I'm speechless."

Eggman: "As you can see, I am truly the greatest hero of our time."

President: "This is foolishness! It's obviously one of your evil schemes!"

Eggman: "Or, Mr. President, is it one of Sonic's evil schemes? Ask yourself. With his genius IQ, might he not have rewritten your memories?"

President: "But... The reports are filled with contradiction..."

Eggman: "Things aren't always reported correctly."

President: "There's more than one you!"

Eggman: "Or is there?"

President: "This conversation is going nowhere. Goodbye, Eggman."

*The president's face disappears from the monitor.*

Shadow: "Wow, Eggman. Truly, your greatest scheme ever. Except that no one buys it except little kids who haven't been around long enough to know better."

Eggman: "This is where you come in!" *Gets out a bucket of blue paint.*

Shadow: "Oh great..."

COMMERCIALS AGAIN!

Knuckles: "Are you tired of being uncool? Of being a dweeb who reads Sonic fanfiction? Or maintains an Eggman fansite? Then come on down to...

KNUCKLES HAT EMPORIUM!

All hats are guaranteed to increase your power enormously! And even give you super powers! It's evidenced by the fact that in the Sonic OVA, I didn't fly after my hat caught fire."

Person: *Wearing hat.* "Superechidna!" *Jumps off roof.* *Thud.* "Owie."

Knuckles: "And so, buy a hat from us! Otherwise, your head will get wet in the rain!"

*CHEESY LOGO FOR KNUCKLES HAT EMPORIUM.*

COMMERCIALS OVER.

Scene 5 (the commercials were scene 4) - Earth, Station Square
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*The city is under attack by robots!*

Badniks: *Running around the city.* "Rar!"

*And behind this insane destruction is...?*

Eggmobile: *Smashes wrecking ball into a building, and insane laughing from its driver seat is heard.*

*SHADOW PAINTED BLUE? I mean... SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?!*

Shadow: *In the driver's seat of the Eggmobile.* "I am Sonic!"

Random Citizen: "Gasp! It's Sonic!"

Shadow: "Indeed I am! And I am back to cause another of my EVIL SCHEMES!"

Random Citizen: "Wait... Does this mean... I've been remembering wrong! Of course! My children were right! Eggman DID save us all from this blue menace! Oh, Eggman, please forgive our falling for Sonic's dastardly trick and save us again!"

Eggman: "Fear not, citizen!"

Random Citizen: "E- Eggman!"

Eggman: "You may refer to me as Dr. Eggman-sama! For I am here to destroy these contraptions and stop that hedgehog once again!"

*Cheering from the crowds.*

Crowd: "Go Dr. Eggman-sama! Show that hedgehog the justice!"

Shadow: "Well, if it isn't my pesky rival. Good day, Egghead."

Eggman: "Shad- Sonic, you've caused more trouble than should be! It's time for me to teach you yet another lesson!"

*Cheesy kung fu fight scene against the robots.*

Eggman: "And now it's time for you!"

Shadow: "You can never defeat my Sonicmobile's ultimate form..." *Transform! The Eggmobile is now a giant spiked ball.* "THE EGG HEDGEHOG!"

Eggman: "Oho? Let's see how you like THIS!" *Kicks the Egg Hedgehog and it explodes.*

Shadow: "You're going to pay for this!" *Flies off in the damaged Eggmobile.*

Crowd: "Eggman-sama! You're great! Can I have your autograph? How do you do it? Forgive us!"

Eggman: "Ha ha ha, you don't have to repay me. Well, yes you do. Build several statues in my honor. But as for me... I must go and stop Sonic for good!" *Gets in another Eggmobile and flies off.*

Crowd: "You heard him! Statues! Made of gold! With ruby mustaches and saphire glasses! Hurry!"

*Meanwhile, in prison...*

Guard: "Quite a stunt you pulled there."

Sonic: "Huh?"

Guard: "Breaking out of here without our knowledge... Then coming back here too! Pretty sneaky."

Sonic:" I never did that..."

Guard: "I'm on to you! Don't think I'll let you get out this time!"

Sonic: "Look, you know this is all rediculous. It's just all the historical documents have been rewritten."

Guard: "Oh? Or is it our minds that have been rewritten to place YOU as the hero? Like someone could rewrite every history book..."

Sonic: "And someone could rewrite every mind in the world?"

Guard: "Yes!"

*Elsewhere!*

Ishnt: "So... This is Earth..."

Silver Shadow: "Weird. It's all... natural."

Hammernik: "Let's start breaking things." *Smashes at a building.*

Silver Shadow: "Ack! Wait! That's not our plan!"

Hammernik: "What is our plan?"

Ishnt: "Don't you remember? We're supposed to present a cake for the governer."

Hammernik: "Ishnt, of all your stupid random gibberish..."

Silver Shadow: "No, he's right."

Hammernik: "WHAT?!"

Silver Shadow: "Gotcha. Our plan is to claim to be Sonic's robots and to cause as much trouble as possible."

*All three start terrorizing the town!*

Robots: "WE ARE SONIC'S ROBOTS!"

Ishnt: "We are Sonic burgers! But don't eat us if you wish to see tomorrow!"

*Meanwhile! At the presidential house!*

Assistant Dude: "Mr. President, we have several reports of Sonic and his robots attacking around the nation."

President: "Obviously more of Eggman's tricks."

Assistant Dude: "We have live footage of the going-ons." *Clicks monitor on, showing Eggman and Shadow battling it out, Shadow of course painted to look like Sonic, and causing lots of trouble.*

President: "He... He has a new hairstyle! See? It can't be Sonic!"

Assistant Dude: "Mr. President, while I understand your reluctance to change your mind, it would seem that, in fact, Sonic has pulled a fast one over on us. Our memories have been tampered with, it seems."

President: *Watches as Eggman destroys "Sonic"'s newest Eggmobile attachment.* "...Get Eggman on the line."

Eggman: *Runs to the camera.* "Yes?"

President: "What the crap? This is a two-way communication?"

Eggman: "Apparently so. Now, what is it?"

President: "Look... I would like... to offer you an apology..."

Eggman: "AHA! Thanks muchly, Mr. President, it is greatly appreciated. Um, now, can I have control over some random city?"

President: "...Fine. You now control Starlight City."

Eggman: "Muahahaha! Thank you, Mr. President! I see that you have finally realized how great I am. I won't disappoint you with my new position. I shall continue to battle Sonic as he gets in my way! I mean... In the way of the people, of course."

*The transmission ends!*

President: "Did... he just close the transmission?"

Assistant Dude: "Apparently so."

President: "But... we're the ones who opened it... and it was supposed to be... ...No matter... Assistant dude."

Assistant Dude: "My name is Paul."

President: "We must make an announcement about this. Remind the people that Sonic is evil and dangerous, and that, despite their memories, they should trust Eggman."

Assistant Dude: *Nods.* "Yes sir."

And so, it seems that Eggman has managed to trick the entire world into thinking their memories are fake! What does this mean? Could he have finally found a plan that will allow him to conquer the Earth? Has he formulated a scheme that will get Sonic such a bad reputation that he will never be able to show his face again? Has he so easily gained the trust of every person on Earth? Find out next time, in Chapter 12 of ABOARD THE ARK!