Advanced Robotics

CHAPTER 4
Two days later, Joe and his parents were on the plane to Hawaii. Now
Lupin and Jen were dressed for fun in the sun, but since Joe had
broken up with his fiancée, he went back to his old gothic ways,
except he went with a lot more white makeup and black eyeshadow. All
the people on the plane stared at him, and his parents felt
uncomfortable. "Hey, Joe," Jen said, "you think you could maybe take
that stuff off before we land? It's pretty hot down there and you
might sweat. A LOT."
"Shut up, conformist."
"Okay, just warning you."
They landed and they drove to their hotel room. Lupin and Jen just ran
down for the pool, and Joe stayed upstairs, until he got hungry. He
would rather go out and find a Goth hangout than order room service,
so he walked around outside. He walked out of the hotel and out into
the street. Everyone around him stared.
"Daddy, daddy, what's that?" asked a passing 7 year old to his father.
"Why, son, that's Satan. Why he's here and not burning in hell, I don't know."
Joe just turned and walked toward the beach. He realized by all the
gel and eyeshadow pouring down his sweaty face that it was hot, really
hot. He should've listened to his mom. He looked around for a place to
cool off, but he couldn't see one, as his makeup was in his eyes. Two
passing punks on skateboards pushed him out of the way and laughed as
he stumbled into the sand. Thirsty, sweaty, burning, and messed up
black fingernails made him go crazy.
"WATER!!" Joe screamed and ran dripping with sweat across the burning
sand. He jumped into the ocean, and after a few seconds, he put his
head up.
"Ahh, that was refreshing." He felt better, but then he brushed the
water off his face and looked around. Nobody else was in the water. He
heard a commotion behind him. Everybody was up on the beach and was
screaming down at him, but he couldn't understand a word he was
saying. He dumped the water out of his ear, and then tried to listen
to them. "Huh, what'd you say?" "SHARK!!!!!" they screamed at him.
"Shark?" Joe was confused, and then looked behind him. In the water,
there was a black shadow heading for him with a fin on top of it
sticking straight out of the water.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Joe screamed like a little girl,
then splashed towards the shore. The shadow followed him, and he
couldn't lose it.
"OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! GOD HELP ME!!!" screamed Joe. The people on shore
looked on hopelessly as Joe tried all he could to get to shore. On the
sand, one girl was there, staring at Joe, but not hopelessly. She
looked determined to do something. She pushed through the crowd, and
quickly waded out into the water. The people screamed but were too
afraid to stop her. She got out into two feet of water, where Joe was
dog paddling hopelessly. She went behind Joe to the black shadow, and
the shark turned to her. It headed straight for her at full speed. She
jumped out of the way of its jaws at the last second, reached under
its belly, and with one sweep, pulled it out of the water and into her
arms. Joe, stricken with fear, opened his eyes, waiting for the
inevitability of his demise. Instead he saw a thin, blonde figure
standing over him with a big shadow on her back. He was stricken with
her beauty and stood up.
"Wow, you saved my life," Joe started, then he looked at the girl. She
was about 5'2 and he was 6'6. She was short. "Uhh, thanks?" He looked
at the shark on her back. It was nothing more than a big fish, just
flopping around in her hands.
"You're welcome!"
"…" Joe just stared at her. Everything was silent. The fish flopped.
"Umm, okay goodbye." She walked past him with the fish still in her
hands. She walked through the crowd and soon everyone on shore walked
away. The little kid and his dad stood there, and Joe walked up to
him. The seven-year-old kid looked up at him.
"Daddy, why was Satan scared of a big fish?"
"Because he's retarded son. C'mon, let's get some ice cream." They
walked away. Lupin stood there, staring at Joe with his mouth open. He
walked over to Joe.
"Uhh, dad, why are you here?" Joe asked modestly. His dad picked up a
conch shell off the ground and bashed it on Joe's head.
"You IDIOT! You're the biggest dumbass since Matt Damon! I saw the
whole thing. The shell was for being scared of that fish." Joe rubbed
the bruise in his hair, then Lupin hit it again with his fist. "And
that was for being saved by a girl, and then letting her go like that!
Un-freakin-beleiveable! If you were looking for the opportune moment,
that was it."
"My head really hurts, dad."
"It damn well better! I hope I knocked some sense into you! Now you
gotta find the girl, chat with her about today, ask her out, take her
out, have another adventure, and have a long, passionate kiss good
night! God, idiot!" Lupin walked away furiously. Joe stood there
contemplating what his dad said. He tried to walk away, pretending his
dad didn't speak the truth. He paused, then turned back and headed in
the direction of the girl.
"God dammit."
Joe walked up to his hotel room, changed into some less soaked
clothes, and then headed out to where he last saw the girl going. The
Hawaiian ghetto. The depressing, cloudy sand streets had high-rise
projects made of tiki and bamboo on either side. The Hawaiian gangstas
rode in on pimped out surfboards, and a pitbull dolphin barked at Joe
as he passed by. He walked through the street, looking for the only
white girl, but the only girls he did see were Hawaiian hookers with
coconut bras on. Somewhere, he heard a coconut gun shooting, and he
felt uncomfortable. He gazed suspiciously at the nearby buildings, but
while not looking where he was going, he accidentally ran into a
trashcan. He would complain about his busted hip, but as he stood up,
he looked at what he knocked over. He had found the skeleton of a
giant fish that hadn't even started to rot.
"Aha! She must be in this building!" Joe thought, then his eyes
widened as he thought something else. "Holy shit! That little girl
went through that whole fish? Damn, she's hungry!" He looked away from
the fish, and walked up to the building. He looked for a name so he
could make sure the girl lived there. "Oh, my god, I'm retarded! I
forgot to ask her name!" He stood there in stupidity, as he realized
the whole shebangabang was for nothing. His eyes suddenly caught
something he totally didn't expect. He saw the name Zaroff. "Whoa, I
totally didn't expect that!" He went to ring his doorbell, then paused
to think for a minute. Only the wind blew down the street, and
everything was silent. He then pulled his hand away. "Nah, I really
don't feel like it right now."
"You retarded bastard!" someone shouted behind him. Joe screamed and
turned around sharply. Standing right behind him was his dad, Lupin.
"Dad, you freak! What are you doing, stalking me?"
"Shut up dumbass. You can't let the plot thicken like that, and then
just not feel like it! You have no choice but to find out what the
hell is going on with your mysterious uncle and the girl of your
dreams and the relationship between them! Holy shit, do I have to hold
your hand!?"
"Dad, what the hell? God dammit, fine. I'll go and talk to my fucking
uncle, see the fucking girl, find out she's my fucking cousin, and
still we fall in love and have a fucking sex scene in an upcoming
chapter of this goddam book. Are you fucking happy?!"
"Yep. Now let's go meet your uncle!" and he walked up to the door.
"Fucking weirdo," said Joe to himself.