Advanced Robotics

CHAPTER 2

And so the comrades traveled over miles of Siberian snowy plain until
they finally reached the little farming village of Latveria. Zaroff
pulled the train into the station and they all got off. There was snow
for miles around, and the sky was cold and gray. Robotnik looked at
the telegram that told him to come there, but it did not have a street
address. Of, course, he didn't need one, there was only one street and
the homes looked like they had been abandoned for years. They
questioned whether to go around looking for people or to knock on
someone's door and ask directions. They looked around, but the town
was deathly silent and there were no signs of life anywhere on the
street.
"All right, one of us has to knock on someone's door," said Robotnik.
"Don't look at me! I ain't doing that!" said Lupin.
"I'll go," sighed Zaroff. He walked up to the door of the first house
and knocked, not knowing what to expect. The door creaked open and a
young, blonde, beautiful woman answered him.
"I'm looking for the science convention," questioned Zaroff.
"You don't look like a scientist," she said while looking up and down him.
"He's not," said Robotnik, walking up behind him, "I am."
"Oh, Dr. Robotnik," she said smiling, "I didn't recognize you! Come on in!"
Robotnik and Zaroff walked in with her. Lupin stopped staring at the
woman and ran after them.
"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but do you know the access word?"
"Yes I do, baby," said Lupin, "the word is legs. Wanna come inside and
spread the word?"
She beat him to a pulp in a violent rage, and then slammed the door in his face.
"Jen," said Robotnik, "believe it or not, he's my assistant and he's
supposed to be here."
Jen reopened the door with her eye twitching. "May.. I.. take.. your..
coat.. sir?" she asked forcing a smile.
"You can take my pants, also, beautiful!" cracked Lupin.
"All right.. sir," she said and kicked him in the crotch sending him
screaming to the ground.
"Come on, Lupin," called Robotnik, "we're late."
"No… problem… Excuse me, Jen, isn't it? Could you help me find my
balls? OWWW! God dammit! What's that for?" said Lupin.
The four walked through the cold, dark house until Jen opened a door
and led them into the snow filled backyard. There was a large barn,
which was expected on a peasant farm. Jen knocked three times and the
door creaked open a few feet. They cautiously followed her into the
barn where there was little light. At first they saw nothing, then a
small gas lamp was lit and figures started to appear from the back of
the room and in the second floor. No faces could be seen.
"Dr. Ivo Robotnik. How kind of you to join us. What took you so long?"
The voice came from a tall, muscular figure in a white suit.
"We ran into some trouble on the train. Are we late?" asked Robotnik.
"Hahaha, no my good man, you're here right on time." The man stepped
out of the darkness.
"Oho! I knew I recognized that voice! Alexi Romanov! I'm glad to see you alive!"
"Wait! Romanov? He's related to that bastard Czar! Let's kill him!"
shouted Lupin as he pulled out his pistols.
"Whoa, hold on boy! It's not how you think!" said Robotnik as he flew
in front of Lupin, "He isn't related to the czar, in fact he's a
brilliant scientist, son of a general Cossack! He's one of us!"
"Oh, sorry," said Lupin. "Stupid kid," muttered Jen.
"No problem, boy, I get it all the time," said Alexi, "Jen, please
seat everyone so we may start this meeting." She showed Robotnik and
Lupin their seats and gave an extra one to Zaroff. "As you all know,
the Soviet Union is in chaos," started Alexi, "the capitalists of the
west are succeeding in breaking apart our country and we have to stop
it. Ukrainians, Estonians, Georgians and chechnyans are defying our
government and destroying all those who believe that what we had
fought for is right and good. Premier Gorbachev is right now meeting
with the American president to find a solution to this, but he feels
that this will end our communist union. He has called on us to meet
here and discuss how to help the nation without governmental reform
and to end the revolts in the union's countries."
"So all we need to do is change a few laws and policies and the small
countries will agree to still be in our union?" asked one scientist.
"How do we plan to do that?" asked another.
"We first need to ask ourselves two questions," answered Robotnik
imperiously, "Why did we start this country that is falling apart, and
what is making it fall apart like this?"
"Simple," recalled Zaroff, "we started this country because we were
oppressed workers who wanted freedom, and they're rebelling against us
because they think they're oppressed workers who want freedom! Ha, the
irony!"
"I'm sorry, sir," interrupted Alexi, "who are you and why are you here?"
"I'm Vladimir Zaroff, supporter of communism and proud soviet!"
"You aren't a scientist?" questioned Alexi.
"No, but that doesn't mean he's not a soviet like us. He has the right
to be here when his country's involved." said Robotnik sternly.
"Whatever. So you're saying we've been oppressing the people?" asked Alexi.
"I grew up in the small village of Leningrad, and I was drafted into
the military when I was 18. I served years of war, only to come home
and find my home and possessions destroyed, so I get a job driving my
train across the country, and I have seen very weird things happening
to people. I once drove 25 boxcars of animals closer to Moscow from
all over the Union to feed the people there because of famine, but all
those peasants had famine and hunger in their hometowns, also. I have
driven secret military projects to Kazakh cities, and I've taken
people from the plains to the Black Sea so that they may find more
business opportunities. Have you ever thought that maybe the common
good is really not in the common's good? I think that's what these
reformers are trying to show, just they are overdoing it. Destroying
villages is unforgivable along with the murder of innocent people. We
must stop these reforms before civil war breaks out." said Zaroff.
"Wow," said Jen, "this guy addresses quite a philosophical conundrum."
"Yeah," said Lupin, "you should have heard this guy on the train. He
can talk his frickin head off." Lupin and Jen looked at each other,
turned away and blushed.
"Now that we understand the problem, what do we plan to do about it?"
asked Alexi.
"Robots." Answered Robotnik, "we can end all of their problems with robotics."
"Please explain, doctor," asked Alexi, "I really don't understand."
"Of course, Alexi," answered Robotnik. He did. It was the biggest
mistake he ever made.