The Adventures of Plothole
Chapter 1
by Picadura the Scorpion and Ishntknew



"Mountain Dew Live Wire is way better than Dr. Crap, Eggy," Sonic said, as Ivo reached into his pocket.
"That's Ivo Robotnik, and Dr. Pepper makes the world taste better!" Due to a conveniently placed plothole, Ivo pulled a heat-seeking bazooka from his tiny pocket. He aimed it right at Sonic's face, and was about to pull the trigger when…
"They both suck," said Knuckles, who had been watching from the sidelines the whole time. All of a sudden, he was looking down the barrel of a bazooka, five inches in diameter. "… Don't kill me?"
"You have five seconds." This time the answer came from both Sonic and Ivo.
"Pepsi is better."
A smile crept into Ivo's expression. "Wrong answer."
"Egghead…" said Sonic.
"Ivo."
"OK, Ivo… let me kill him."
"Alright. In a second." The bazooka aimed down, at Knuckles' feet.
"CHAOS CONTROL!" Knuckles disappeared.
Ivo looked at where Knuckles was with a confused look. Then he laughed. Sonic joined in.
"Nice plothole. Here's a better one…" Sonic smiled. "Ivo, you do the honors."
"Alright. CHAOS SPEAR!" The beams of light flew around and knocked something out of the air (Yes, IVO used Chaos Spear). Knuckles fell to the ground.
Sonic's turn. He jumped into the air, and pulled out… Amy's hammer? He then proceeded to break every bone in Knuckles' body, that wasn't vital to live.
"Wasn't vital? I wanted to kill him!"
"I guess you'll kill him later, Sonic."
"Oh."
A pink ball zoomed at Sonic. Knocking him into the air, he vanished with a Team Rocket 'ping' from that evil Pokemon show. The pink thing caught the hammer. Amy uncurled and made a peace sign. She looked at Ivo, expecting him to give her a peace sign back.
Instead, he gave her a bazooka rocket five inches in diameter, which exploded and blew her to next week. He looked down at the knocked out Knuckles at his feet. He walked away, shrugging. Behind him, Sonic had finally landed and had gone around the planet.
Sonic was beating up Knuckles, making sure not to kill him.
"Again!?"

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Metal Sonic waited for his master to return home. He looked at a Dr. Pepper can, and another one of the emotions from the new AI drive kicked in… curiosity.
'Happy place, happy place,' Metal Sonic thought. He envisioned beating the crap out of Sonic the Hedgehog.
He was slamming his face against the ground. Sonic was bleeding… Dr. Pepper?
'OK, happy place not working. Sad place.'
House without Dr. Pepper.
'Argh! Stop!' He looked at the Dr. Pepper can. He reached for it, and pulled it to him. Then he remembered two things.
He couldn't drink anything and enjoy it because he didn't have taste buds… and that the can was empty.
Just then, someone knocked on the door. Metal Sonic opened the door.
It was a little girl. "Want to buy some Girl Scout cookies mister robot? It's a dollar for four cookies!"
"Got any Dr. Pepper?"
"No…"
Metal Sonic slammed the door in her face.
Then thinking against it, and making sure she didn't come back, he opened the door. The girl was still there and wasn't crying. "Want to buy some…"
Metal looked around him, grabbed a part to a destroyed robot, and shoved it into her hands. "Take this. Be happy."
"Thank you mister robot!" All of a sudden her expression changed. "I can use this to RULE THE WORLD!" She then looked happy again, and skipped away singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' except it sounded more like 'Mary Had a Nuclear Bomb.'
Metal Sonic was a little disturbed. Well, more like very disturbed. He shut the door slowly, and turned. He walked to the couch and sat down.
Just then Ivo appeared. "Don't sit on the furniture! You're metal, you'll break it."
Metal Sonic stood up.
"By the way, Metal Sonic… did you see a little girl offering cookies for the price of four for a dollar?"
"Yes."
"Did you buy any?"
"No…"
"Oh well. These cookies are good." Ivo had stuffed his pockets with them, and had obviously stuffed his face too. There was chocolate all over his face, and he was eating one.
Metal Sonic sweatdropped.

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Eggman…
"Ivo!"
OK, Ivo had Amy tied to a post in the Egg Carrier. Gamma fired at her, and she thought it was gamma rays, and hat she was somehow God and she turned into Amulk due to some psychosomatic… thing… amabob… let's just call it a plothole.
Amulk busted out of her ropes and ate Gamma. Eggman disappeared (plothole. No questions. Ever). Amulk then ate the Egg Carrier.

"Oh my God!" Sonic screamed. "Amy has turned into Amulk!"
Tails turned from his game of chess and spoke loudly. "How do you know? We're at the beach."
Then Tails exploded. And his ghost came out. Then Eggman sucked his ghost into a ray-gun thingy.
"Eggman! Like omg! How r u here!?!?!?!?!?!?!?one!" Sonic yelled like a n00bish fangirl.
Pausing for a second, Eggman ("Ivo!") thought. Then Sonic was violently formed into ectoplasma as he was sucked into a raygun (which is supposed to shoot… plothole). "Ishnt!"
Ishnt popped out of nowhere, and accidentally sprayed Eggman with coffee, which made him shoot the ray, sending Tails' ghost out, and it hit Amulk.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, a huge pink thinkg popped out of the sand and ate Ishnt. It was Amulk!
Then Amulk sploded. Ishnt's ghost floated there. "Picard! I'll get you for this."
And now I must stop writing, for Ishnt is kil…l…ing… m…

OK, so, I've taken chapter control from Picad because I killed him. I'nt that great? So, yeah, Amulk was thought to have sploded, but they were WRONG. Wrong. Wrong wrong. Amulk was not sploded, she in fact had not yet begun to fight.
"Rar!" said the Amulk and she chased after Sonic. "You are to be die!"
"Help me, Superman!" shouted the blue hedgehog. Yeah, Superman. Even though Sonic's a superhero too.
"Superman's not in town, but when it comes around, who ya gonna call? DOC EGGMAN!" Eggman burst forward with his Egg Blasters out, aiming at the Amulk. Oh, and an afr- no, never mind, no afro, but a funky disco suit.
"Eggman! Why aren't you going by Ivo anymore? Nice suit!" Sonic exclaimed, still running.
"It seemt that authorship of this fanfiction ahs been turened over to Ishnt! And he's typing so fast that he's making tpos!"
"But why are you still wanting to save me or destroy Amulkt?"
"…That's a good point, sonic! I shall leave you to die to Amulk."
"ARGGGH that's not what I meant!" At that, Sonic jumped over a barrel. For suddenly, h e was in a game of DONKEY KONG! And Amulk was at the top, throwing the barrels… and stuff.
"Crap! This does not good look for Sonic the Hedgheog!" said he, before he fumbled the and stopped. He tripped over a barrel, see, and it ended up costing him his LIFE!!!!!!!!!1111111ONETYTHREe! But he had two more, so it was OK.
"Sonic! You are never to win against Amulk! And come to think of it, why are you trying to get to her when earlier you were trying to run away from her?" Eggman said, stroking his mustache in thought.
Sonic turned and said "OH NO EGGMAN IS RIGHT! BUT HE'S NOT A WRIGHT. AND THIS ISN'T A RITE. AND THIS HE DID NOT WRITE." So Sonic jumped off the building and he lived happily ever after until he hit the ground and exploded. But he still had one more life, remember. He materialized at the exact spot where he died, just three seconds later.
Eggman broke out in a sudden fit of maniacal laughter. "AND NOW, PEST, YOU SHALL DIE TO MY POWER! BECAUSE I HAVE CREATED A NEW DEATH EGG WITH WHICH TO INCINERATE YOU! COME IF YOU DARE!" At that, Eggman disappeared. But before he did, he was suddenly in a cloak like the emperor from Star Wars. I THINK YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING. Death Egg? Looking like the emperor? It can only mean one thing… TIME TRAVEL! Or perhaps a Star Wars parody. So, yeah, anyway… Wha?! Picad! I thought I killed you! Give you back your fanfic? Argh, but I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET TO THE OBLIGATORY STAR WARS PARODY AND-

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Chances are I'm going to continue it. ANYWAY…
Metal Sonic was about to splode when all of a sudden Tails sploded way back in the Amulk part. But wait! This is past that! That's cause we TIME TRAVELED OOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO!!!!
And Sonic pulled out a lightsaber he got from nowhere, and tried to use the Force, but Darth Metal was superior and was a member of the Dark Side so sonic died and i know this was a short part get ovr it it go back 2 ishnt now cause picad too caffeine high

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Well, that hedgehog done died or so they sayed. But it wa'nt true what they sayed that day. 'Cause Sonic had a CONTINUE! Indeed. So, the last lightsaber duel was inefficient. SO LET'S PUT ON THAT MUSIC DUEL OF THE FATES FROM STAR WARS EPISODE 1 Y'KNOW THE LIGHTSABER BATTLE BETWEEN DARTH MAUL AND QUI GON JIN. I know Star Wars episode 1 gets a bad reputation, but man, that music was awesome.
Buzz, crzat! And Sonic and Metal were all fighting to the doom on a giant bridge suspended above a lkae of molten ice cream! YES. YOU READ THAT RIGHT. So they goed BUZZZZZZZZZZ! Krzt!
"Tails never TOLD you about your father, did he?" Metal said, slicing with the lightsaber.
"He told me enoguht! He told me that YOU killed him!"
"No. I am your- OOH! TOASTER!" For Metal had spotted a toaster. He grabbed it and had chibi ^_^ eyes.
"Wait. What were you about to say?!"
"I was about to say I'M YOUR FATHER!"
Sonic went "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo! THAT UNPOSSIBLE!"
"Search your… Wait, what was I doing again?"
Suddenly, Eggman stepped forth! "Darth Metal, finish him off."
"With pressure!" And Metal kicked Sonic in the face.
Sonic shouted something that sounded eerily like "ORE WA KABAKA-SAN HA HA HA!" He then fell on his back and rolled into the molten ice cream. Amulk then poured the entire vat down her throat. It was COITENS for Sonic.
"Help! It's dark in here!" Sonic shouted, conveniently ignoring the lack of oxygen. I mean, seriously. He can breathe in space, but not underwater? Maybe it's just water filling up his lungs that makes him drown. 'Course, he then began to get digested by stomach acids. They hissed as they burned him . Conveniently, one of his hands burnt off and we succeeded in a semi-Star Wars parody.
Meanwhile, in not Amulk's stomach, Eggman and Metal watched as Amulk proceeded to begin to devour the Death Egg. Nodding to eachother, they ran to escape pods, and blasted back toward Earth. Amulk watched as they did, finished devouring as much of the Death Egg as she could eat, then jumped back to Earth. Yeah, jumped. That's how powerful the Amulk is! Even though she's only a little taller than a fully grown person, but about three five wider than a normal person. See? Her massive amazing appetite and ability to jump that far despite that mass is amazing! Therefore, Amulk is the greatest villain that's not Eggman ever even though she's not so much a villain as hungry and not caring to distinguish people from food. So, uh, yeah. Sonic's Amulk chow and now Eggman's free to take over the Earth as he pleases. Back to you, Jean-Luc.

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"Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise reporting!" Of course, Picard didn't last very long, because Picad killed him. Then Picad pulled out a knife and killed the letter R! "The letter R shall henceforth be known as _! Anyway…" Picad yelled.
Darth Metal watched from his escape pod as Amulk jumped back to Earth. Then the Earth sploded. BUT IT DIDN'T! Because this is a plothole-filled piece of fiction, even the EARTH gets a continue! But Amulk had no continues! So Amulk become Amy again! And thus rebegins Amy's quest for gamma rays…

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YOU CAN'T KILL PICARDS. PICARD IS THE WINNER OF WIN…ness. Therefore, Picard KICKED DOWN THE DOOR AND BUSTED SOME SKULLS. Except what he really did was sing a random song.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Eggman went to the store to get some ice cream. But it wasn't any regular icecream, because it was… EGG FLAVORED! DUNNA DUN DUN!
So, he had his ice cream, and all was well and good, right? WRONG! Suddenly, who should burst through the ceiling but BACONMAN?!
"Eggman! At last we meet!"
"We've met before!"
"I don't care! Behold my newest fast food ingredient! POWER!" Baconman picked up a nearby crate of hamburger meat and chucked it at Eggman. Jumping out of the way, Eggman watched it explode and out came… A MAN EATING HAMBURGER!
"What the crap is THAT thing?!" Eggman shouted, pointing at the hamburger.
"It is a failed musical! I was in England last year, see, and we were going to make a musical about it but it wa- AHHHHH! You're eating my newest plan?!"
"Indeed." Eggman finished eating the hamburger meat. "Hohoho, what say you now?"
"I say… IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!" At this word, Baconman produced a deck of Sonic Dash Card Game playing cards but they shall be renamed 'So-Ni-Ku!' cards for the purposes of this fanfiction.
So, there was a long duel, and Eggman won because he trusted the spleen of the cards. I'm running out of ideas, how 'bout an end to this chapter?

SO THE END UNTIL THE NEXT CAFFEINE INDUCED CHAPTER! OR TO BE CONTINUED!